Mar. 2, 2006 – Nervous about Skating Today
Well, today’s the day for the homeschool skate that we really like and have been attending for many years now. In fact, my husband went to this same skate, when he was being homeschooled, and we are carrying on the tradition.
Last month, I was nervous about going, and we didn’t go. This month I am still nervous, but I’m forging ahead because I must get over this fear.
You see last month the youngest threw a
big, huge fit.
He went out for the fast skate –never, never for him, he’s to little for those bigger boys. I called him off the floor and proceeded to spank his bottom. He continued pitching his fit and I continued to calmly spank his bottom, as he would continue to challenge me.
He would challenge, I would spank, I would ask if he was ready to obey… he would challenge, I would spank, I would ask if he was ready to obey… he would challenge … this went on for some time. His challenging can mean anything from screaming bloody murder to “Uuuu” in rebellion. He did both of these and more. This probably went on for 15 minutes– until a relative intervened and took him out of my hands and told me I needed to stop spanking him (her reason, even in homeschool circles, some may not understand spanking and I could get hotlined) She took him from me and “held him” (a tactic taught her by DFS as she is a foster parent) all while he continued to challenge me while she was holding him and I was left unable to do anything about it. In his mind, he got away with something when he was rescued.
Needless to say I went into shock and we had some mildly heated words, ending with me telling her that I was doing as my husband wanted me to do, and that I would rather obey God than man when it came to raising my children. And that I couldn’t believe this was happening. I gathered the other 2 children, gathered the fit throwing child and we left. Nothing has been said since that day– no apology, no acknowledgement of wrong on her part, not even trying to talk to me and explain her position. We just go on as if nothing happened. But something did happen that day. She crossed a line that should have never been crossed. Until that day she has never acted as she did that day. Now, maybe she did have a point, maybe I should have taken him to the bathroom or the car, but IMO, you don’t mess with someone when they’re in the middle of it– they are dealing with enough without having to deal with you too.
Am I nervous when I have to spank this one out in public? you bet! I pray every time for God’s protection because I am doing as he has commanded. Jesus never said it would be easy. Believe me, this chid has been far from easy. 3 years of foster care with little discipline or structure will do that to a child. But this too shall pass. And, it is passing. He is learning how to better control himself when he doesn’t get what he wants. In fact, there are many times when he can even stop himself before those fits get started.
Now, for those of you that don’t spank your children, or don’t understand this, but there is a BIG difference in spanking a child and abusing a child. This child has had behavior issues since he came home 2 years ago. Before we could spank him, these fits would last hours, and hours–no I’m not exaggerating and I’m not kidding either. Believe me, they are much improved, but there are still times that are difficult to say the least. He is learning and has come a long way, but there are still times when he falls back into that pattern. (don’t we all fall back into sinful patterns sometimes?)
So what is one to do? Before I was allowed to biblically discipline him, I would get stared at for not controlling my child– now I get stared at when I discipline him. I’m at a loss, what’s a parent to do?
Mar. 2, 2006 – Untitled Comment
It is very difficult. I am so nervous to discipline in public here in very liberal California that I don’t. We simply leave. The way I spank could never be mistaken for abuse, but I’ve heard too many horror stories. My very good friend was physically assaulted when she took her child into a restroom to discipline her child. Someone felt they had to intervene on the child’s behalf even though my friend just swatted her son on his bottom. It’s ridiculous. I will pray that things will go well today while you are skating!
Mar. 2, 2006 – Untitled Comment
Yup, she should’ve at least whispered her opinion to you or pulled you aside– never in front of the kids– that totally underminds your discipline.
You know, my oldest can take a spanking. Always has. Yes, they were consistent, hard enough, etc. but sometimes they just didn’t accomplish what we wanted accomplished. So we had to find what really was important to him…that would mean not letting him participate in something at all, grounding, spanking, loss of privilege, standing in the corner (in front of all of his friends), etc. Maybe you can think of some alternate plans ahead of time? Also let your children know the rules, expectations and consequences ahead of time as well.
My middle one however will absolutely die just thinking about a spanking! Weird how they are so different. Where IS that instruction book that they came with???
You do have to be careful about spanking in public though, my friend. People are very quick to be nosy and “report” you, and unfortunately, homeschool circles are not necessarily full of like-minded people… So please be careful!
It’s kinda funny, my kids would cringe and cry when I say “one” to them while we’re out. Other people think I’m doing that silly counting to three thing, but in our house that means “you are getting one spanking when we get home!” So if I ever get to three, they are REALLY upset!
Anyhow, sorry you had to go through all of that last time. *sigh* It can be so discouraging… You know, out of 8 friends in a playgroup when my oldest was little, I was the ONLY one who spanked! Needless to say, we are not friends with any of them anymore since their kids are total brats and behave horribly (especially to their parents)…
Hope you have fun tonight and there are no altercations or a mommy-brawl! 😉 hehehe…