Misunderstood — Will I Ever Learn?

I have made this entry for my friends only because hopefully you all will understand that sometimes one just needs to rant a little.  I am ranting here so I won't really stick my foot in my mouth otherwise.


The adoption organization we are using has a fairly new yahoo group.  From my understanding it is meant to help us gain information, and to keep us informed on things we need to know. 


One of these days I will learn!  I have yet to be on a yahoo group that has not had issues at one time or another between it's members.  And these are groups where the members are Christians.  Someone says something and instead of thinking the best of the other person, they think the worst, and lash back.  And then there's a big nasty “discussion” and then the moderator finally steps in and stops the “fight”.  No, I have not been one in the middle of this mess, just an observer.  Most often I end up unsubscribing to groups like this, But I really can't do that in this situation–at least until we get Dorcas home.  This time, I am closer to being “in the middle” than I would like.   I guess I stuck my foot in it earlier today and didn't even realize there was a pile of poo.   I have gone back to digest, and will NOT be making further comments on the list– enough is enough.


Maybe I am really deceived, but for the most part, I would say I have been pretty patient and at peace about this whole delay with Dorcas's passport and the entire process.  Yes, I have gotten impatient at times, but try to get myself out of the rut as quickly as possible by reminding myself that this is all in God's plan, His timing is perfect and whatever His time is, it is also His will.  We haven't hounded the foster family for information about Dorcas (and haven't gotten an update on her or her weight in over a month–although we have gotten a few new pictures since then).  I will occassionally email the contact stateside a line or two to see if there are any new developments. For the most part this happens after we've been told that there should be movement.   I don't believe I have ever shot an email in frustration to the yahoo list or to the contact in the states.  In fact, I have even attempted to smooth things over when emotions run high.  My frustration largely comes from comments made by the staff than anything else going on.  I have had my feelings hurt on several occassions and haven't relatiated although it would have been very easy to do so. And have in fact been in tears a couple of times over comments made, or emails sent.


Apparently, the unwritten rule is that we are not to say anything negative, or perceived to be negative, about the organization, or we get scolded.  We are not to even come close to criticizing the “very people that are trying to help.”  If we say something that is not in the most positive light, we are repremanded!  


We have several thousand dollars (most of which is on credit) tied up in this adoption that was final in Liberia almost 3 months ago.  And we have no baby in our arms.  We have crib, carseat, summer clothes that she'll never wear, snuggli's that I hope she won't be to big for by the time she gets here, bottles, formula, etc, etc, etc.  But NO baby!  They have our money, our life is on hold, we have things we want to do, but aren't sure if Shane will be traveling, we delayed Bubba's birthday party by a month, , our children don't understand and they are the ones that get offended! 


I'm sorry folks, but I am not happy with this.   We have 3 other adoptions under our belt.  I have a degree in Social Work and have kept fairly up to date on the adoption issues since coming out of the workforce.  In other words, I am not stupid!  My husband is definately not stupid! Even the state of New Jersey social worker understood my frustration when we were told we couldn't adopt Little Bit because we homeschooled.  She did not whine and cry back to me about how hard her life was, she let me have my say. 


Furthermore, we have also been told that if we say anything negative in the blog world or if the passport office feels that they are being nagged, they will delay the passports even more.  (Could this be why Eric was stuck in Liberia 3 weeks waiting on a passport?).   This is another reason why this entry is “friends only”


When we started this adoption I thought our friends that waited 7 or 8 months to bring their daughter home because of the passports was the exception and not the rule. Since then, we have heard of other situations where people waited extended amounts of time for their child/rens passports with all of the organizations working in Liberia. I have now come to realize that this is the rule rather than the exception.   All I wanted was to be told this on the front end instead of being surprised at what we hope is almost the end of the process.   I didn't think that was too much to ask. 


This adoption has been like one big surprise after another.  We were told to hurry up.  That our daughter could be home in as little as 2 months.  We spent quite a bit of  extra money “hurrying up” between expedited passport, visa, my birth certificates,  overnighting our dossier,etc.  At the beginning, we were told the government was willing to work with us to get Dorcas home as soon as possible because of her medical needs.  We were never told about passport delays!  And apparently, the passport office doesn't care to terribly about these little darlings that need medical attention because none of the AOH passports of the children needing medical care have been signed yet.   We are familiar with the roller coaster ride.  We are unfamiliar with being uninformed. 


We are told that it is African culture.  If this is true,  let me just say I understand why West Africa can't compete with the rest of the world.  South Africa seems to do fine.  We have African friends that are doing well, but they are working their tails off to do so.  We are told that part of the red tape is because instead of being efficient, they pass the work through as many people as possible so they all can get a cut of the income.  While I understand that philosophy, on one hand, on the other, I can look at our goverment and see how wasteful this philosophy truly is and I wonder if Dorcas will ever come home. 


Thanks for letting me get this off my chest… I feel better, bed is calling.  Tomorrow will be a better day. 


We had a great birthday party for Bubba on Saturday … I'll tell ya all about it tomorrow.  It was a Knights and Maiden's Medival theme.  






5 thoughts on “Misunderstood — Will I Ever Learn?

    You brought back so many memories! It wasn’t passport for us but other politics. The frustration…… I’m glad you vented, I’m glad you feel better. There IS a reason God is allowing this…. even though to our human minds we see the fact that we have arms, home and hearts and they HAVE OUR BABY!
    After it was all over we could see an incredible miracle of one reason God had it happed (we waited 5 years after expedited the paperwork) and through it we were blessed with another child from another country.
    Hang in there! (easier said then done)
    GOD is able
    God IS able
    God is ABLE


  2. Hi Christine,
    Thanks for stopping over to say hello. It sounds like this waiting game the agency has you in is a heavy cart to pull. I’ve been in trials like that (not with adoption) but in other areas. I pray that whatever is standing in the way of the little girl coming home with you will be cleared up and that you will hear a good word very soon! In the meantime I pray that you will be covered in complete peace (His perfect peace) and that joy will reign!!!!

    I’m glad you got a chuckle out of myth #4 on my blog. =o) Though the myth has never been presented to us *personally* I read it somewhere, it hit home because it was directed at Christians. The life ministry the Lord has placed my family, it allows us to fellowship and interact with lots of different (shades of skin) if you will!!! My dd’s closest friend through the years has been a such a blessing (I like how you put it, *root beer* :o), and dd is *creme soda*). But Ken Ham’s book has been a HUGE blessing to me! We have been able to pass out pamplets in various towns where we minister to help change people’s minds about racism because sadly, it still rears it’s ugly head all around us. The term *race* can’t even be found in the Word!
    In any case, I hope you have a super day and keep smiling!!!! =o)
    In His Love,


  3. I’m so sorry you’re struggling through this. I read your message when you posted it but didn’t have time to comment. I’ve thought of you often. He develops patience in His children rather than giving them a lump-sum of patience. It’s hard. I wish I had words of wisdom or words that would help, but I am at a loss. You have comforted me many times and I wish I could do the same. All I know is that He has a plan and it works out beautifully. We often get irritated when we can’t see all that He can, and your feelings of frustration are warranted, but somewhere and somehow He’s got it all under control.

    I’ll be praying for you all as I think of you.

    May you and your house be blessed abundantly!


  4. Can I yell at them for you?!?!?!? This is crazy! You have been very understanding about the delays. They need to get with it.


  5. Oh, Christine! Let me tell you we have felt ever so much the same way. Eric was told to go over and pick up the kids the end of June but only after months of being fed up because of all the delays that were not making any sense. It has been hinted to that Eric was the one at fault for his extended stay in Liberia.
    At some point, we have both felt that we have spent much more money then we should have for this adoption. Most of the extra fees and such were due to mess ups by the agency at hand.
    As I said in a private email, organization is not what our agency is characterized by. We have never said anything for fear of being lashed at. I understand and can completely feel for you. But, when all is said and done, the one thing they do well is take care of the kids. We would use them again only because of the care they give to the children.
    Oh, and I completely understand the need to hold your baby. I was suppose to get Gabbie at seven months old and weighing in at 10lb. Instead I endured hearing teh news of Malaria and finally getting her five months later. Holding her now, I still wish I could have enjoyed her at a younger age. But, when all is said and done, you will look back to this moment and see it as an incredible sanctifying moment of life.
    Thanks for venting…it’s helpful to all of us who did not do the same but sure wanted to. ~Heather


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