Losses and Adoption

Tomorrow or today rather is Little Bit’s last day of speech therapy.  Not because he’s ready to be done with therapy, he has much more work to do. No, it is a policy of the Children’s hospital here to only keep a child 6 months, unless it is a cleft-palate issue, then they’ll keep them longer.  Little Bit’s been in therapy with the same therapist for 3 years.  That’s how severe his speech issues were.  His speech is much improved.  My Mom and even his foster Mom (who hasn’t seen him since we brought him home) can understand most of what he says over the phone.  That is saying a lot!  (We purchased NATTHAN’s speech program to use, as there is really no other alternative than the government school– and that ain’t happening!!!!!!)

For those of you that don’t know, or don’t remember, Little Bit came from NJ state custody.  He never lived with his birthfamily (she was a druggie with several other children before him, and all the children are scattered all over the northeast, except Little Bit who is here, in the midwest).  

We met Little Bit in person, and 4 days later brought him home.   The first time he spent the night with us was at the hotel by the airport the night before we left the east coast.  We talked to him several times on the phone before we met him and his foster family tried to tell him what was happening, but he didn’t understand.  He was only 3 for goodness sake. 

When Little Bit suffers,  the entire household suffers.  When there is a loss in his life he reverts back to old habits– he gets angry!!! And then he does stuff like kicking off his shoes, (better than undressing like he did when he first came home), treating his siblings nasty, seeking attention (negative I might add) and general bratty behaviour. He can’t articulate it very well, because he’s still only 6 years old.  But when I ask him, he confirms that he is worried.   He is worried about losing US!  So I gently remind him that he doesn’t have to worry, we will be here, and better yet, God is always with him, and His word tells us that we never have to worry, because he will take care of us.  I remind him that we have seen the judge and he is ours, and no one is going to come take him away again. 

I recently left a rather lengthly comment at Acceptancewithjoy’s blog about my some of my thoughts on adoption.  I’m actually afraid I was a little firm about my thoughts, sometimes I tend to come across strong when the topic is one I am passionate about.  I am definately passionate about adoption.    Basically, the premise of my comment was that I think guardianship instead of adoption is a terrible solution, and that yanking children out of their birthhomes, or fosterhomes and rehoming them does more to damage them, except in severe cases, than the actual reason for removing them.   Anybody ever hear of Reactive- Attachment Disorder (RAD for short) ???  Yes, I know some of you have.  I believe this is how RAD develops.  Children need closure, in fact, we all need closure.  That is why divorce is so hard on everyone involved, there is never closure.  When a child is yanked from the only environment they have ever known without time to adjust accordingly, they have problems.  Not to mention being taken away by a complete stranger, and put in a home with even more strangers.   When this happens repeatedly, said child learns to disengage.  Children don’t know how to deal with being yanked away, they act out so no one will get close to them, because they are afraid of losing again.  This is how they protect themselves.

Back to Little Bit.  He is afraid.  He loves Miss Kathy.  He doesn’t want to stop therapy.  Fortunately, Kathy understands, and has told us we can come by and "visit" so we will from time to time.  We are celebrating his "graduation" to home therapy later today with chocolate chip cookies at his final session.  I’m already crying… it’s gonna be a long day. 

 He was in the same foster home for his entire time in state’s custody.  He spent 3 days with us before he boarded a plane with strangers and never saw the only home he had ever known again… no wonder he doesn’t trust.  

Another wonderful government institution doing it’s job to mess up our children. 

Please pray for us today, as it will likely be hard on all of us.  We’ve kind of all gotten attached to "Miss Kathy."  She’s expecting her 3rd baby and I keep telling her that I can drum up some business for her if she wants to stay home with the children. And she could even homeschool…. So far, I haven’t convinced her.  (Really, for an employed 2 parent family, they do pretty well, she’s off on Monday’s and hubby’s off on Fridays, so the children are only in an in home day care 3 days a week).  

Have a wonderful day!



5 thoughts on “Losses and Adoption

  1. Hi Christine,
    Just wanted to pop over and say thanks for stopping by. Hopefully I'll have plenty to write about after being gone for so long.

    Sounds like a tearful day awaits you. However, you've done such a wonderful job raising Little Bit, I'm sure he will get through this in due tim. Keep your smiles and have a great day.

    Oh, and for what it's worth….I'm a Michelob fan, unless there's a really, really good dark ale around.


  2. as foster parents and children's home worker, the gov't here is much like (yet worse I think) it isi nthe USA. Our coworker has a 1yr old girl, who has been with them since she was 2months old. The birth parents are alcoholics and unemployed (and at the police station alot!) and preggo with #7…..YET the gov't wants to send her back to her family…..it's important for family to be together. Yeah, I understand, but at what cost? why take this child who has only known ONE LOVING home and just drop her off at a dirty home (we know cause we know people in that village). It's not a good situation. My blood boils when I look at the cases here in our town. And then they wonder why kids have so many problems?!! DUH!


  3. i am organizing my life and trying to keep everything on schedule so that i can only visit my friends blogs on saturday mornings that way i don't stay hours and hours everyday reading blogs..lol how's your weekend so far? mine is kinda bad, but it's ok. i love you post about beer..haha yep, couldn't imagine you in it, bud would have a glass of wine when we are out on a dinner date and would occasionally have a 6 packs. i never like the taste of it so ya i pass! looks like you have a very busy summer! take care.. iloveyou!


  4. I am really, really happy to have my mind jogged about NATTHAN! Preston is needing speech therapy, and the therapist at the school has not been pleasant over the phone. (((((HUGS))))) sandi


  5. Praying for Little Bit, Miss Kathy and pretty much all of you!

    I am definitely someone who needs closure on things… I couldn't imagine being raised in the system and hopping from family to family.



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