omorrow or today rather is Little Bit’s last day of speech therapy. Not because he’s ready to be done with therapy, he has much more work to do. No, it is a policy of the Children’s hospital here to only keep a child 6 months, unless it is a cleft-palate issue, then they’ll keep them longer. Little Bit’s been in therapy with the same therapist for 3 years. That’s how severe his speech issues were. His speech is much improved. My Mom and even his foster Mom (who hasn’t seen him since we brought him home) can understand most of what he says over the phone. That is saying a lot! (We purchased NATTHAN’s speech program to use, as there is really no other alternative than the government school– and that ain’t happening!!!!!!)
For those of you that don’t know, or don’t remember, Little Bit came from NJ state custody. He never lived with his birthfamily (she was a druggie with several other children before him, and all the children are scattered all over the northeast, except Little Bit who is here, in the midwest).
We met Little Bit in person, and 4 days later brought him home. The first time he spent the night with us was at the hotel by the airport the night before we left the east coast. We talked to him several times on the phone before we met him and his foster family tried to tell him what was happening, but he didn’t understand. He was only 3 for goodness sake.
When Little Bit suffers, the entire household suffers. When there is a loss in his life he reverts back to old habits– he gets angry!!! And then he does stuff like kicking off his shoes, (better than undressing like he did when he first came home), treating his siblings nasty, seeking attention (negative I might add) and general bratty behaviour. He can’t articulate it very well, because he’s still only 6 years old. But when I ask him, he confirms that he is worried. He is worried about losing US! So I gently remind him that he doesn’t have to worry, we will be here, and better yet, God is always with him, and His word tells us that we never have to worry, because he will take care of us. I remind him that we have seen the judge and he is ours, and no one is going to come take him away again.
I recently left a rather lengthly comment at Acceptancewithjoy’s blog about my some of my thoughts on adoption. I’m actually afraid I was a little firm about my thoughts, sometimes I tend to come across strong when the topic is one I am passionate about. I am definately passionate about adoption. Basically, the premise of my comment was that I think guardianship instead of adoption is a terrible solution, and that yanking children out of their birthhomes, or fosterhomes and rehoming them does more to damage them, except in severe cases, than the actual reason for removing them. Anybody ever hear of Reactive- Attachment Disorder (RAD for short) ??? Yes, I know some of you have. I believe this is how RAD develops. Children need closure, in fact, we all need closure. That is why divorce is so hard on everyone involved, there is never closure. When a child is yanked from the only environment they have ever known without time to adjust accordingly, they have problems. Not to mention being taken away by a complete stranger, and put in a home with even more strangers. When this happens repeatedly, said child learns to disengage. Children don’t know how to deal with being yanked away, they act out so no one will get close to them, because they are afraid of losing again. This is how they protect themselves.
Back to Little Bit. He is afraid. He loves Miss Kathy. He doesn’t want to stop therapy. Fortunately, Kathy understands, and has told us we can come by and "visit" so we will from time to time. We are celebrating his "graduation" to home therapy later today with chocolate chip cookies at his final session. I’m already crying… it’s gonna be a long day.
He was in the same foster home for his entire time in state’s custody. He spent 3 days with us before he boarded a plane with strangers and never saw the only home he had ever known again… no wonder he doesn’t trust.
Another wonderful government institution doing it’s job to mess up our children.
Please pray for us today, as it will likely be hard on all of us. We’ve kind of all gotten attached to "Miss Kathy." She’s expecting her 3rd baby and I keep telling her that I can drum up some business for her if she wants to stay home with the children. And she could even homeschool…. So far, I haven’t convinced her. (Really, for an employed 2 parent family, they do pretty well, she’s off on Monday’s and hubby’s off on Fridays, so the children are only in an in home day care 3 days a week).
Have a wonderful day!