I have had this entry wobbling around in my head for a while now, but haven’t made the time to put it on "paper". There are a couple of things I’ve been thinking about that I have heard recently in regard to adoption. The first, I strongly disagree with. The second just seems kind of funny to me. And the third is just interesting…and sad in a way.
I have heard several people say recently that it would be better if children could stay with their "families" meaning birthfamilies. Sometimes this comment has come from adoptive families, sometimes it comes from others. As an adoptive Mom 4 times, so far, and one that God has not blessed with bio children, but has very clearly been smack dab in the middle of every adoption, I think I can "safely" speak to this comment.
I, personally don’t think it’s better for a child to be raised in a single parent home. Especially one born out of wedlock. God designed families to be a father, a mother and the children. Yes, there are situations where families will be a single parent… our sweet friend Heather Davis is one of them that unfortunately is a single parent now. And my heart aches for her and the children Eric left behind. But having a parent that has died is very different from having a parent that a) left the scene after conception, or, b) was never married to the mother and may or may not show up occassionally. Daddy’s are important! Eric left a Godly legacy. Not a "I didn’t want to be a father, just wanted some fun legacy" Eric’s younger children will know his legacy and his life by what others tell them about him. His name will be sweet on Heather’s tongue. not, "that no good, dirty…knocked me up and left" Look around… many children being raised with absent daddy’s. Do you really believe society is better today than it was 2 generations ago when families stayed together? (BTW, that pretty much goes for children that are products of divorce too) If a daddy wants to be in the picture after divorce, it is difficult to be the same kind of daddy that he could be if living in the same house 24/7 with the children. Momma’s bad mouth and children get the idea that they don’t need their Daddies.
The second thought is kind of funny, I think. I was listening to Focus on the Family one morning a few weeks ago and Dr. Dobson was explaining that him and Shirley (is that proper English??) decided not to tell people that Ryan was adopted. A few months ago, they had a program with Ryan and he actually told "the world" that he had been adopted. My thought–
"that wouldn’t work in our family"
Third, is kind of sad. People are "adoption illiterate" I was talking with a lady recently, that was asking questions about the children’s adoption, as is not uncommon, because when you adopt you are an open, moving target for questions about adoption. Why you don’t have "your own" children, where are their "real parents" and even advice on fertility… amazing! This lady was not even nearly that rude, just curious. This is a lady that has been an aquaintance for several years, so it wasn’t the usual stranger asking. Anyway, she asked if we got to name the children. I wanted to say "DUH, YES! Did you get to name yours!" but I was polite. And explained the whole, birth certificate thing with SC place of birth "Liberia" and our residence "USA". And the other’s too, as she politely asked about each one. Then finally, "Oh, Princess is adopted too" She just proved my theory— white people have no idea about bi-racial children. They just think their curly hair comes from the heavens since Shane nor I either one have it.