I began reading J.I. Packer’s "Knowing God" this morning. He quotes from Phillipians 3:7-10.
But whatever it profit I now consider everything a loss for the sake of Christ. What more, I consider everything a loss compared to the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him— I want to know Christ.
He continues on to say that elaborate on what Paul means when he calls these things "rubbish" or "dung" (we know all about that having chickens ).
He says that not only does Paul not think of them as having value, but also that he doesn’t live with them constantly on his mind. Packer says, "What normal person spends his time nastalgically dreaming of manure?" He continues, "Yet this, in effect, is what many of us do. It shows how little we have in the way of true knowledge of God."
Okay, this really spoke to me as oftentimes I find myself dwelling on things, not nostagically, but situations that we need to figure out. Things that are bothering me. Like a situation with an extended family member that is before us, like the situation with Little Bit, like some other things that I have been dwelling on.
I was thinking this morning about my weight. (Went to the dr. yesterday and have gained about 6 lbs in the last year). The summer before Shane and I married I went through Weigh Down Workshop (I have since reattended, and think it’s gotten a little weird) but felt that it was very helpful nearly 14 years ago. Great principles for learning how to be a "thin eater" Shane did it with me, even though he was here in MO and I was in TN. I told him the premise and we both lost weight. (was smaller than I was in high school at one point).
I started gaining it back when Bubba was about 2 years or so old. This morning I realized that this was also around the time Shane got laid off and the family integrated church died. The church thing was a mess before we got there and quite honestly looking back, we should have never been involved. But I digress. During that time, I think something died within me , in a way. I’ve not been as trusting, since then. I’ve been quicker to find fault. And I’ve not been as close to God. And I’ve gained back all the weight I had lost and kept off for 7 or so years. I am wondering now, if I’ve ever totally "forgiven" God for that whole affair.
Oh Lord God, forgive me for blaming you for and harboring ill thoughts these last few years about all the struggles we faced through those years. Lord forgive me for holding on to the disappointments and the dreams. Forgive me for being angry that we haven’t been able to find a church home that we are totally pleased with. Forgive me for looking for the negative. Forgive me for blaming you that Shane is not preaching any longer.
Father cleanse me, wash me and purify me. Lord I want to trust you, but sometimes life makes it so hard. I pray Oh Lord help me in my unbelief! You are trustworthy and faithful and truth. Fill me and use me. You are the Potter and I am the clay, mold me and make me what you will. Use me for your glory. In Jesus Name, Amen.