*** disclaimer*** be prepared for random thoughts ahead that may or may not make much sense.
The funeral for "B" was Monday morning at 10 with visitation at 9, we chose not to go… and to remember "B" the way he was. (the fact that we would have had to have left the house at 8 am had something to do with it as well). Honestly, it’s probably better that we didn’t go. Me and my big mough might have gotten me in trouble about how wrong and tragic this entire situation was. (not to mention the fact that I have a very active 2 year old that behaves well, but we would be in a room FILLED with state social workers).
Would you believe that the social worker that violated ethics by telling this young man that she was going to adopt him (when she had our homestudy sitting on her desk) still has a job??????????? She’s probably even been promoted (no I don’t know that, but wouldn’t that be like CPS?)
I have been angry and frustrated with this entire situation. Yes, I know God is God, and He is Sovereign, and He allows all things, yet let’s think about this from a human standpoint.
"Child Protective Services" yet, while this boy was in PROTECTIVE services HE DIED! Anybody else see a problem with this? I mentioned the idea that this might not have happened had he been with his birthmother to someone else that knew him, and the comment was "well…. I don’t know…" This is a birthmom that never physically abused this boy (although her parenting skills did lack) and at one point she was actively trying to get him back, but was left without resources– you know "no funding" so they sent him and his sister back to a mother who wanted to be a mother, but didn’t have the skills, then they removed them again and convinced her they would be better off if she relinquished her parental rights. She relinquished thinking that a family that knew the foster family (us) would be adopting him… (Yes, I have thought of birthmom often the last several days and wonder how she is coping… she thought she was doing what was best for him and he ends up dead… if I were in her place I would be devastated.)
Here’s the bottom line, "B" certainly couldn’t be worse off with birthmom!
There was no news story on this situation, no mention of a family that had WANTED to adopt this boy… not even an obit in the paper… oh, there are people that are going to Jefferson City to "fight" but what good will that really do?? Unless CPS is dissolved and the police are allowed to enforce laws already in place that can address parental abuse issues, any "fighting" done, is useless.
This situation makes me wonder how many other children in "protective" services have met the same or similar fate that we haven’t heard about???? I honestly believe most children in state custody are in worse situations than they would have been in with their parents. Think about it, most children get moved several times while in custody, (we even knew of a 2 1/2 year old that had been in 3 different homes in abaut a year’s time) some are physically, or sexually abused by foster parents, they have very little if anything to call their own, they call their "foster" parents "mom and dad" how confusing that must be… I don’t even call my in-laws mom and dad because I already have parents. Not to mention the fact that many times the children are yanked out of their homes without so much as a moment to say goodbye to parents (no matter how abusive a parent may be, the children still loves that parent and to be yanked out of the only home you have ever known must be a terrible feeling for a child). We brought home Little Bit under great circumstances, but I am convinced that his multiple problems stemmed from the fact that we met him one day and 4 days later he was on a plane with "strangers" going to a place he’d never been with people he didn’t know… yep, the state cares! (do ya hear the sarcasm in my voice?)
If we weren’t fearful of repercussions to our own family (meaning retaliation by the state and possible "protective" services for our children) I’d go public and wouldn’t care who got peeved in the process, this is a boy’s life afterall… but we’ve got to protect those precious darlings that we have… but watch out in 15 years…. fighting CPS might be my crusade if nobody has done it before then.
CPS/DFS or whatever your state calls, it is an unconstitutional institution set up to pit parents against their children, to make money for the state and to help fresh, just out of college brats that have never parented a child and probably never even been around children feel good about themselves as they "save" children from their "abusive parents"
Of course, there is always 2 sides to every story. I hate to think of how messed up our family might have been had we been allowed to adopt this child. We’ve already struggled through several years of issues with a child that didn’t have nearly the problems that "B" had. We might not have been able to adopt Sweet Cheeks and we might have ended up going through a CPS investigation ourselves at some point. And "B" might have taken his own life regardless…
Yes, God is Sovereign and His divine Providence is far beyond my comprehension.