Be Wise in Adoption

Well, it seems like I’m a blogging fool lately.  But we leave for vacation soon so this will slow down shortly

While surfing this morning, I found a comment on someone’s blog that I felt I had to address.  I left this comment on the commentor’s blog, but thought it might be worthwhile to repost it here: (BTW, I purposely deleted the name of the original blog and did not link to the commentor’s website as I felt that it wasn’t necessary).  The comment’s in black are "Mary’s" (name changed to "protect" identity) comments,  Mine  are in green. 

I just read a comment you posted on __________’s  blog about foster parenting.

 "Fears regarding the state overseeing your parenting and having to submit to home visits were major concerns and it sort of baffled me. Where does the bible say to help one another so long as it is convenient? And so long as the state doesn’t keep track?"

I am an 43 y/o adoptive mom of 4 children, one of those children came from the state, 2 were private and one international.  My inlaws are foster parents and I have a degree in Social Work. I also know several other adoptive/foster families, and have kept fairly current with adoption issues in the recent years.  I have been a solid Christian for nearly 20 years.  I thought I’d answer your question from my perspective. 

For my husband and myself, it is a matter of protecting the children God has blessed us with, not a matter of "inconvenience" or the state "keeping track".  From my observations, the state is truly unconcerned with protecting our children, nor keeping families together. They have removed uncounted numbers of children on false charges from their homes. Many of them are returned, but emotional damage has already been done. DFS is an unconstitutional entity that violates rights of our country’s citizens every day.  Foster parents have no more protection than any of us even though social workers are in and out of foster homes on a weekly, sometimes daily basis.   As parents, our first and foremost responsibility is to the children God has blessed us with.  The Bible tells us to be wise, imo, allowing the state in your home, unless you have been spefically called by God to adopt/foster is foolishness. As far as sexual abuse, statistics show that sexually abused children are more likely to sexually abuse.  Why would I subject my children to that possibility?  Children are unable to protect themselves, and if as parents, we are unwilling to protect them, who will? (Yes, I understand God is ultimately responsible, but would we knowingly push our child into the path of an oncoming car?)  Mary Pride wrote an excellent book several years ago, the statistics are outdated, but the information is still compelling.  It is called "The Child Abuse Industry"  I highly recommend it.

Not only that, but many if not all children in state’s custody come with a lot of baggage.  Most people are not equipped to deal with this baggage–ever heard of Reactive Attachement Disorder?  Not to mention just the general greiving process of every adopted child.  They’ve lost a family already…

In addition, you made a comment about corporal punishment on ____’s  blog as well. 

"My least favorite response was something that went along the lines of, “not until the state lets you discipline these kids.”

Which basically amounted to spanking, as if 1) there were absolutely no other way to teach a child and 2) as if spanking were the best way to deal with a child who has in all likelihood been beaten regularly his whole life."

Many children in state’s custody have not been "beaten "their" whole life(s)" in fact most have not. Many of these children never even live with their bio parents (usually the mother). In addition to that spanking is Biblical!  Yes, there are other ways to train up a child in the way they should go" but sometimes a controlled Biblical spanking is necessary. It is legal in every state in this country to spank a child.  Furthermore, there is a great difference in a controlled spanking done in love, and "beating" a child!

Not only that, but adopted children need boundaries more than "normal" children.  They need a clear line, and sometimes a loving, controlled spanking can be that clear line.

Please forgive me for leaving such a long comment on an unrelated blog entry.  I could find no entry on your blog regarding adoption, otherwise I would have left it there.  Please understand I did not post write this with ill-intent.  And I pray that it will not be taken that way (although this is a matter close to my heart and I am vocal and straight-forward about it).   It is my hope to give you a different perspective. 
God bless,

In addition to that comment, I also found a link on a fellow blogger’s site to Ethica.  Apparently they are an organization that encourages ethical practice in adoptions, but look at this tidbit on their homepage:

Ethica’s position on Legal Unions for Gay and Lesbian Parents

Ethica believes that children need permanency in loving homes.  We support any action that ethically provides that.  We are troubled that while children are often finding permanent homes in gay and lesbian households, there is less permanency than we’d like to see due to the lack of legal relationships for both parents and their children.  States that do not provide for the necessary legal provisions are not doing all that can be done to create true permanency for children.  However this can be addressed through the availability of same sex marriage, civil unions with full rights, and legal adoption by both parents.  To this end, Ethica encourages legislative action that reflects best adoption practices and research supporting gay and lesbian families.  It is vital that legal connections are established between their children and both parents. 

No Thanks!!!! Need I say more?