Hard Things

Honestly, this season is hard for me every year.  My growing up years were not pleasant.  My parents divorced when I was 12.  I’m NOT saying this to place blame or to invoke pity… but it’s true.   The divorce was a turning point in my life.  Before divorce, sweet child, after divorce rebellious, angry young lady. 

In addition to all that, my Mother and I are still not talking.  Honestly I don’t remember a time when I have been able to please her and for the most part, I accept that.  But especially during this time of year, it is difficult and there seems to be no remedy.  We have emailed some and sent cards and she’s sent gifts for the children throughout the year, but that’s about it.  (Some of you may remember last January we had a falling out because my brother has a pit bull and she didn’t understand why we wouldn’t want our children around the dog).   Well, that was the precursor to the unleashing of bitterness she harbors and I’ve received the brunt of.   I honestly don’t know what to do.  I bend over backwards to honor her.  There have been times I’ve felt like I’ve almost bitten my tongue in half in order to keep the peace.   For the most part, things have been more pleasant over the past year.  But it is very sad for all parties involved. 

There is another situation that I don’t know how to fix. 

**disclaimer** This person has my blog addy, but since this is my space and it is weighing heavy on my heart, I have decided to write about it anyway… (one reason I usually don’t give my blog addy to IRL friends).  And I will not be discussing the details or giving identifying information, so there should be no reason for this to cause a further rift.

Someone that I thougth to be a very good friend has apparently chosen to end our friendship.  We had a disagreement last week emailing back and forth (I’ve about sworn off email and groups, because it’s easy to be misunderstood, or to misunderstand others, not just me, but I’ve seen it over and over esp. on Yahoo groups I’ve been involved with).  Since I haven’t heard from her, I have to assume the relationship is over. 

Our oldest daughter’s were very good friends, nearly best friends.  Sweet Cheeks adored one of their other daughters.   I had to tell the children, as they kept asking about plans that we had made with this family for this weekend.   Princess was quite sad that her friendship appears to be over and so am I.   Our entire family is sad by this development.  I have repented for my part in the disagreement but since I haven’t heard anything in nearly 4 days, then I have to assume she doesn’t want our friendship to continue.  What else am I to do?   

I am reminded that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother… so I will claim that verse and remind myself of it when I am thinking of either of these difficult situations.

When we first moved out to the country, I was without close friends nearby.  I truly believe it was a time where God wanted me to depend only on Shane and ultimately Him.  It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends.   I have a standing lunch date with a very good friend once a month,  but she has 6 children, and I have 4, so our time outside of that block is very limited.   We are also an hour away from the town where we had previously lived, which makes jumping in the car for a quick visit nearly impossible.   I’m no creepy weirdo that lurks around the computer because there is no one else.  (Weird, maybe.  But creepy weird– no).   During that dry time I did meet a sweet lady at the library and we have continued to be friends and my children friends with hers.  Princess and Bubba are the same age as their 2 children.   I thank God for her.  In addition, God  has given me least 2 other tried and true friends, that are as close or closer than family since that time nearly 5 years ago.  For those friends, I am thankful. 

We are also without a church home again and have been for a while.  Although God has been SO very good.  I am at peace.  I usually ask  Shane about once a week, near the end of the week where we are going to church.  Sometimes he doesn’t decide until Sunday morning.  In fact, last Sunday he didn’t decide until we got into town.  Turn right off the exit and go one place, turn left and go another.  In the past, I have pestered and nagged him and wanted a church home to the point that he settled somewhere for my sake.  Thank you Father for the peace that passes understanding…  We have met new friends and had great Biblical sermons and fellowship.  And my Bubba is excited about God again.  And we are in NO hurry.  God is so GOOD.  God provides what we need each week.  One week we heard a lesson on the different seasons of the Christian calendar… about how Christmas wasn’t just a day many years ago… it was a season that began on Christmas.  Easter, the same, Advent– the season we are presently in.  Very interesting lesson.  This past week, we heard a lesson about Cain and Abel.  While it was a story we all knew well, we learned new things.  And we had a nice time of fellowship with the pastor and his family over lunch afterwards.  Where will we be this week?  I don’t know, but I know where ever it is God has foreordained it and I rest in Him.

We recently ordered a Scripture verse to go above our great room doorway from Tonya at Fruitful Vine Creations.  It is an adaption of Deuteronomy 6.   I am also painting verses on our walls to remind me of my job as a wife and mother.  I have ordered CD’s and a book from Reb Bradley at Family Ministries.  Haven’t read much of him, but people I respect, respect him, so I thought it couldn’t hurt and he has some CD’s available whose descriptions sound like things I need to hear right now.     

Oh, and Tonya has one verse she is doing for someone else that I absolutely LOVE.  It is a version of  "be still and know that I am God".  It’s on the sample page,and you have to scroll down to find it.  It is powerful… maybe one of these days we’ll order that for another wall or maybe we’ll do something  similar in that style with the verse that was spoken to me by a ladie at the AR retreat.  "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord

Okay, I’m done rambling… God is God.  He is in control.  No matter what happens… He is Sovereign.