Over the weekend, I heard about a woman I know that lost her mother suddenly last week. My heart goes out for her, as they were very close. I was telling someone else that knows the family…this person thought for a minute and say something to the effect of she was adopted, that was her adoptive mom…my first thought? What does that have to do with anything? This was THE mother that changed her diapers, wiped her nose, cried with her, taught her, spoke to her nearly every day. This woman will mourn her mother, there will be an empty place at the table on Mother’s day…the sad thing, the woman who made this statement is herself an adoptive mom.
As an “adoptive” mom…I get frustrated with people that put me in a different category than a “real” mom. I have 4 children. I AM their “real” mom! I am not a second class mom just because I didn’t birth them. God gave them to me, to be their mother, to love them, to be blessed by them and to teach them about Him.
Second but similarly, we have several friends that are “quiver-full” minded. In fact, we are of that mindset ourselves. We have allowed God to ordain the size of our family. We came to this conclusion before we had any children, within the first few months of our marriage. We talked about adopting children before we were married. Both my husband and I have known when it was time to update our homestudy, and we have had adoption miscarries (children we thought we were to adopt, but things didn’t work out). Sometimes I feel like we are 2nd class parents in relation to these people. Sometimes they brag so much about their children that they birthed that I feel they are putting me down. Sometimes I feel put down because I “only” have 4 children. But you know what… I have the exact children God wants me to have…my quiver is full according to God’s will for our life.
The last category really doesn’t bother me. People “do it’ out of ignorance. Our children are quite obviously not birthed by us, People ask questions. I answer them. Sometimes they ask about our children’s “real” mom. I politely explain that I am their “real” mom.