Hello Yes Girls! Welcome back! Or if you’re new, welcome for the first time. I’m so glad you stopped by! (well, maybe I’m glad, this was a tough post to write) I pray that you will be encouraged by what you find her today. If you’re interested, last week’s posts are here and here.
So this weeks blog hop assignment that struck me was Radical Obedience.
Just as a reminder Lisa describes Radical Obedience as nothing supernatural, or strange. Radical Obedience is just simply being obedience to Christ and His Word. She says in this world plain old obedience to Christ looks radical.
This has been a tough week for me.
The enemy attacked!
Sunday. On the way home from church.
Enough that I threw my Yes book out the window of our moving Suburban.
Yes, I’m getting real here girls! (And it is not easy either). Thankfully, my Superman, who was not his happiest with me at the moment, was sane enough to turn around and risk a fight with two barking dogs in the country, on a gravel road, to retrieve the object of my stupidity! (Thank you darling hubby!).
I struggle with a n g e r.
Wow! That was HARD! And typing it that way was easier.
I’ve never confessed that before.
Not like this.
Not in a public forum.
Not to potentially 22,000 of my closest friends. (and some irl friends that I know will be reading this).
When my hormones were raging, my behavior was intolerable. (And that’s a mild way of putting it). And quite honestly, the hormones were impossible to stop. Now I know what some of you are thinking… “oh if she only_______.” I’m here to tell you I TRIED it! I TRIED everything. I was doing what my doctor was telling me to do, and I was getting sicker, and sicker. Until finally, I decided to do something different. And THAT was when the healing began! (Another post for another day).
During those years, this illness was ravaging my body like a cancer.
Here’s what would happen:
An “event” would happen, often very little and insignificant, A shoe left in the middle of the floor, for example.
I would get angry.
Rant for a loooooooong time.
Come to my senses,
Beat myself up for getting angry– again!
Come to my sense–again!
Repent and ask forgiveness AGAIN... until the next episode.
For years I beat myself up because I could NOT let the Spirit control my behavior. I was angry at myself! I was angry at God! I was angry with my husband! I was angry with my children! I was just plain ole ANGRY!
Then, when I came back to my senses I would beat myself up using Scripture, because after all, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me”
Well, you know what? When you are physically sick, sometimes you can’t! Just like one with cancer can’t will it away, I couldn’t pray this sickness away.
I KNOW it truly was ONLY by GOD’S magnificent grace that we survived those years…today, my husband and I are more in love than ever (and it never wavered) . In fact, we just celebrated 19 years together yesterday. My children well, by God’s Amazing Grace, they are all fantastic, happy, fun-loving kids! They have come to a knowledge of Him and are walking with Him. (I’m convinced that although the cycle was terribly unhealthy, it was my repentance and their forgiveness that helped them.)
And now that that cycle of life is over, I still have a nasty habit. (Oh, not nearly like it was!), but it rears it’s ugly head much more often than I would like.
Oh yes, I know.
Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.
Be angry and do not sin.
Not by might, not by power but by my Spirit.
The fruit of the Spirit is…
But sometimes knowing and doing is still IMPOSSIBLE!
“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Mark 14:38
I KNOW this is NOT God’s will for me. I know He wants me to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit. love, joy peace, patience,kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control…
And…Sometimes…I do not exhibit that fruit very well, or at all!
This is my thing that I know is keeping me away from a RADICAL relationship with my loving Father!
Only now, I’m not sick.
I CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
When I was sick, I could NOT LET GO… now I CAN!
I want MORE! I want to be Radically Obedient in this!