Radical!

P31 OBS Blog Hop

Hello Yes Girls!  Welcome back!  Or if you’re new, welcome for the first time.  I’m so glad you stopped by! (well, maybe I’m glad, this was a tough post to write)  I pray that you will be encouraged by what you find her today.  If you’re interested, last week’s posts are here and here.

So this weeks blog hop assignment that struck me was Radical Obedience.  

Just as a reminder Lisa describes Radical Obedience as nothing supernatural, or strange.  Radical Obedience is just simply being obedience to Christ and His Word.  She says in this world plain old obedience to Christ looks radical.  

This has been a tough week for me.

The enemy attacked!

Sunday. On the way home from church.

Enough that I threw my Yes book out the window of our moving Suburban.

Yes, I’m getting real here girls!  (And it is not easy either).  Thankfully, my Superman, who was not his happiest with me at the moment, was sane enough to turn around and risk a fight with two barking dogs in the country, on a gravel road,  to retrieve the object of my stupidity!  (Thank you  darling hubby!).

I struggle with a n g e r.

Wow!  That was HARD!  And typing it that way was easier.

I’ve never confessed that before.

Not like this.

Not in a public forum.

Not to potentially 22,000 of my closest friends.  (and some irl friends that I know will be reading this).

When my hormones were raging, my behavior was intolerable. (And that’s a mild way of putting it).   And quite honestly, the hormones were impossible to stop. Now I know what some of you are thinking… “oh if she only_______.”  I’m here to tell you I TRIED it!  I TRIED everything.  I was doing what my doctor was telling me to do, and I was getting sicker, and sicker.  Until finally, I decided to do something different.  And THAT was when the healing began!  (Another post for another day).

During those years, this illness was ravaging my body like a cancer.

Here’s what would happen:

An “event” would happen, often very little and insignificant,  A shoe left in the middle of the floor, for example.

I would get angry.

Rant for a loooooooong time.

Come to my senses,

Beat myself up for getting angry– again!

Come to my sense–again!

Repent and ask forgiveness AGAIN... until the next episode.

For years I beat myself up because I could NOT let the Spirit control my behavior.  I was angry at myself!  I was angry at God!  I was angry with my husband!  I was angry with my children!  I was just plain ole ANGRY!

Then, when I came back to my senses I would beat myself up using  Scripture, because after all, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me”

Well, you know what?  When you are physically sick, sometimes you can’t!  Just like one with cancer can’t will it away, I couldn’t pray this sickness away.

I KNOW it truly was ONLY by GOD’S magnificent grace that we survived those years…today, my husband and I are more in love than ever (and it never wavered) . In fact, we just celebrated 19 years together yesterday.   My children well, by God’s Amazing Grace, they are all fantastic, happy, fun-loving kids!  They have come to a knowledge of Him and are walking with Him.  (I’m convinced that although the cycle was terribly unhealthy, it was my repentance and their forgiveness that helped them.)

And now that that cycle of life is over, I still have a nasty habit.  (Oh, not nearly like it was!), but it rears it’s ugly head much more often than I would like.

Oh yes, I know.

Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

Be angry and do not sin.

Not by might, not by power but by my Spirit.

The fruit of the Spirit is…

But sometimes knowing and doing is still IMPOSSIBLE!

“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Mark 14:38

I KNOW this is NOT God’s will for me.  I know  He wants me to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.  love, joy peace, patience,kindness, gentleness,  faithfulness and self control…

And…Sometimes…I do not exhibit that fruit very well, or at all!

This is my thing that I know is keeping me away from a RADICAL relationship with my loving Father!

Only now, I’m not sick.

I CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.

When I was sick, I could NOT LET GO… now I CAN!

I want MORE!  I want to be Radically Obedient in this!

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalm 139:23-24, ESV)

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16 thoughts on “Radical!

  1. Thank you for sharing! Thank you for your honesty and know that you are not alone. I wish anger would not rear it’s ugly head but it does and when we least expect it – on Sunday on our way home from church. Thank for a loving Father who loves us so and wants a radical relationship with us! I want to be Radically Obedient! Praying for you and all the ladies of this study. Oh what a movement for Christ is we all just say YES!! ❤

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    • or Sunday’s on the way to church. I’m convinced Sunday is one of Satan’s favorite days to work. He knows we need that fellowship with other believers and if he can keep us from it, he thinks he’s succeeded.

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  2. I too struggle greatly with anger. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing but our God is far more powerful! Thank you so much for your honesty. Thankfully God has blessed us both with families who love us through our craziest moments. Happy anniversary to you and your hubby!

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  3. Thanks for sharing:) Anger is something I find myself dealing with on a regular basis, and to be frank, half the time, I don’t even know what I am mad about. Something God has been speaking to me about, and at the end of chapter three where we were to pick three fruits of the spirit, I chose love (so I can choose love over my anger,) faithfulness (so I won’t quit early), and self-control. And I can somewhat laugh about the fact that I get so mad (only because I know Jesus is working on my heart,) that I will attest you’re not alone in the chucking things out of the window. I lost a few cell phones this way. Oh, how ridiculous I must have looked! Anyway, for sharing your heart and laughs, thank you! I will be praying for you this week.

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    • I would never chuck a cell phone out the window… I’m too cheap for that, lol. Honestly, I think that’s the only time I’ve ever chucked anything out of the car. But, there are other things; clearing messy tables with a single swipe was a common and throwing things in the trash was common I was at my worst. When my hormones, thyroid and vitamin D levels were out of whack, I would get angry and not know why. I’ll pray for you this week too 🙂

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  4. I have labeled myself as a “frustrated perfectionist”. My perfectionism usually leads to frustration. But, during high hormonal times in my cycle, it turns from frustration into full-fledged anger. And then, after the hormones die down, things would get back to normal and I would beat myself up and try to repair whatever damage I had left in the wake. It *did* help to remind myself that my anger was due to where I was in my hormonal cycle and I’d work at letting things slide, while biting my lip.

    But, now that I’m going through menopause, I’m finding that these hormonal rages are coming unexpectedly. I have no physical evidence of cycles. No marks on the calendar. It’s just inward cycles that come whenever. So, it’s harder to pinpoint just when they will come and it’s harder to tack the blame onto my hormones. This happened just recently. EVERYTHING my husband said and did was just soooo unacceptable! 🙂 I could feel the anger rise, but sad to say, it felt GOOD. I babied it along, fed it, and let it grow.

    I finally prayed about it and God did help me let go. But, looking back, I can see how it all happened and how I *allowed* it to all happen. I pray this never happens again, but I’m guessing that since I’m not dead, it’ll cycle its way through again… some day… some how… and when I least expect it. I just pray that I have learned something. Again. And, that I’ll be wiser and stronger through God’s Word to overcome. Reading 1 Cor. 13 helped me to turn my anger into love.

    Also, it helps me to recognize WHO is behind my anger episodes… Satan. It is Satan who is out for destruction. When the anger “felt GOOD”, it was one of his lies. I fed it. I should have fought it. But, there’s always next time… I’ll know better, right??? 🙂

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    • Yes Connie, lol! We’ll know better, but I’m guessing we’ll both fall of the wagon at some point-probably sooner rather than later. Hormones are a peculiar animal. I’m on the front end of “real” menopause now, even though night sweats have been a part of my life for about 8 years because of m.d.’s that didn’t know what they were doing. These “normal” hormonal imbalances I can usually grab hold of pretty quickly with the help of the Holy Spirit, without much damage; unlike the craziness of 6 or 7ish years ago. I cannot tell you how thankful I am for the homeopathic doctor and chiropractor that have helped me on the journey to health. Soon, I will blog about the terrible illness and how God led me to the right people to cure it.

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  5. I love this ” I want MORE! I want to be Radically Obedient in this!”

    I will be joining you in prayer! Thank you for such a raw and honest post!

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  6. Thank you for being so honest with us. And I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in your struggle with anger. When my hormonal monster rears it’s ugly head – look out!

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  9. Barb, In your post last week you said something about not being able to write like others can. Not true! You are a good writer. Your words flow with the voice God gave you. Keep it up! You do have a gift.

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  10. I appreciate and honour your honesty. Perhaps all women fight the anger especially with raging hormones throughout a large part of our life. God has been helping me with this but it is a journey. I used to yell a lot as that is what I learned from my mum. God asked me to stop and I hardly yell now. Sometimes the power of His word sinking into our hearts and minds can change us in a moment and other times we need to walk through a process. You are on the right track because you want to obey and you are bringing it to God!! He will help you, I’m certain of this. Don’t wallow in it when you mess up. God showed me once that the difference between me and the great women and men of the Bible was this – When they failed they got up, they dusted themselves off and moved on. But with me I would return and return to my mistake and then, like an animal that had found something stinky, I would roll in it!! lol – I did NOT like that – I can tell you that I have marched off from prayer sometimes very angry!! 😉 Hope this helps – love and hugs to all of you wonderful women that have contributed here and are after God’s heart!! We are in this together!!

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