Walking in the Stubborness of an Evil Heart

P31 OBS Blog Hop

Hi Yes sisters!  I apologize this one is a little long; but I pray that it will be well worth your time to read.  God did an amazing work inside of me this week!  I’m being real once again, as part of the healing is being true to what God is doing inside of me.

Jeremiah 11:7-8 kicked my TAIL this week!

For I solemnly warned your fathers when I brought them up out of the land of Egypt, warning them persistently, even to this day, saying, Obey my voice. Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but everyone walked in the stubbornness of his evil heart.  Therefore I brought upon them all the words of this covenant, which I commanded them to do, but they did not.” ESV

You see,  I have been having a pity party that I didn’t want to give up.

I’ve been having it for MANY years!

Ever since the hormone imbalance, thyroid and adrenal fatigue whacked me out.

Oh, not all at once!  But when ever I would fail.  Entries in my journal after an “episode” would look something like this:

“I blew it, AGAIN!”  “I am a failure! “How can God still love me?”  “How can He forgive me?” “Especially when I keep doing the same stupid thing over and over?” “He can’t forgive me” “I’ve messed up too bad, again!”

But this Bible study has me back in the Word, reading and studying!

And relearning about God’s amazing FORGIVENESS.

I have been walking in my own way!

I have not been allowing the God of the Universe to look at me through the eyes of Christ.

I have been arguing with the God of the Universe and telling Him that I am unworthy!

I have been rebellious in a backward sort of way, but still rebellious,…I have not been letting God’s grace cover my sin and this is DISOBEDIENCE too!  (And there’s not even room here to talk about the arrogance of such an attitude).

God says “Forgiven”  (I’ve borrowed Proverbs 31 beautiful picture with Forgiven written across it for my Facebook cover to remind me!)

Failure ≠ Death

Failure = FORGIVEN!

When we are His child, we can RUN to Christ, he is there waiting with open arms.  Not to scold us but to Forgive us!

His BLOOD redeems us from that pit and that pity party.

The beautiful thing is that He does this whether we run,

or whether we crawl,


for air

as we




in front of the other

as we



out of the


as I have been doing!


Paul tells the Corinthians:

“I cannot tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life.” This is because JESUS has this longing for us, only so much more than even Paul!

Here’s what I wrote in my journal Monday night.  If this is your struggle, I invite you to pray this prayer too:

Oh Lord!

I was NOT fenced in.  The smallness I feel comes from within me. My life is not small. But I am living it in a small way. …Open up my life.  Live openly and expansively! (my paraphrase of the Message 2 Cor 6:12-13)

Help me overcome my emotional scars–help me love DEEPLY.  love you deeply and love my husband and children deeply.  Whatever is holding me back Lord take it, it’s yours.  My palms are up and I am saying YES to you!  Thank you Jesus! Amen

Amazingly, I had not listened to Mandisa’s call when I wrote that, but she also spoke about emotional scars.

My husband likes to say “You cannot make God love you more, or do anything to make him love you less”  (nope not his own, my guess would be R.C. Sproul, but that’s only a guess).

I am JOYFUL again!  Much like in the days when I was a new babe in Christ.

Will I struggle again?  You bet!  But I pray that next time I will be equipped to RUN to the Savior instead of doing the pity crawl.


Here are my other blog hop posts  here, here, here and here.

Thanks for sticking with me and stopping by!  Have a wonderfully blessed day!


11 thoughts on “Walking in the Stubborness of an Evil Heart

  1. So good – thanks for your awesome visuals and that verse in Jeremiah. I will stop thinking I have failed so much because God is clear with his people – we don’t have to guess. Love the visual of crawling back to Jesus…..I know so very much how that feels!


  2. Thanks so much for sharing so openly! It feels good to hear someone else struggles too. I want to live in the wide open with Jesus but I do find I keep falling but will remember to keep crawling!!


  3. I loved – “Will I struggle again? You bet! But I pray that next time I will be equipped to RUN to the Savior instead of doing the pity crawl.” We all will struggle again and again, and it does really come down to where we run when it happens. I am always #amazed at God’s mercy and grace that abounds and is never ending! Thanks for sharing your heart. –Debbie K. OBS Small Group Leader


  4. We do tend to beat ourselves up so badly when we feel like failures. Thank you for beautiful advice on combatting that! I am so glad to hear you are “JOYFUL again”. You chose the perfect song to end with!


  5. This is really good. I can relate to what you are saying. We tend to not forgive ourselves more than God does. A question that was posed to me once when I felt like this (and I still do sometimes even now and I have to say get thee behind me Satan) ” Am I God.” I am judging myself as if I were. Boy, that was an eye opening experience to me. No, I God can forgive me I need to forgive myself. Thank you for you post.


    • Hi Vickie! I love your quote. We’re judging ourselves the way God SHOULD judge us; but he doesn’t because of the blood of his Son! So many times we’re so much harder on ourselves than God is on us.


  6. It does seem like we need these encouragements and reminders to run to Him in our need instead of struggling on our own and then crawling back!! Thanks for sharing this reminder of His grace!!


  7. I have struggled with this in the past too and even as I write I feel that I can hear God ask me “In the past? Really?” hehe So I guess it is something that I still struggle with but I am learning!! I love your honest, visual way of sharing!!


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