A Difficult Adoption-Stick With It

P31 OBS Blog HopI just made a comment on a blog (once again, I closed the page and did not write down which blog it was, UGH!)  and realized I had an amazing Stick With It moment that I HAD to share.

I pray that it will encourage someone today that may be struggling with an adopted child.

All 4 of our blessings are adopted.  And ALL of them have “Awesome God” stories.

But one of those Awesome God stories birthed quite hard.

Our precious Malachi struggled a LOT when he came home.

You see, birthmother had poisoned him with drugs and alcohol.  And he KNEW it.

His foster mom told me that she came to visit him in the hospital when he was 3 months old (for a cleft lip repair)

And all of his stats SKYROCKETED!

Blood pressure!

Heartrate!

And he SCREAMED!

I’m convinced He KNEW it was the woman that had poisoned him.

Fast forward 3 years.

Malachi came home on Leap day 2004.

He was still ANGRY!   He would spend hours crying and screaming.  So much that we would put him on the front porch for fear the neighbors would think we were beating him.

I would literally have to drag him out of stores because he would go limp and fall.

We left shoes behind.

Change was miserable.

Vacations for him meant spending time in the corner of a hotel room crying.

Any time anyone came or went he got wonky.

Holidays were NOT pleasant.

(Oh my word, sitting her writing this has me with tears in my eyes to think of everything my little man went through).   And just in case your wondering, I have his permission to share his story because God did an AMAZING work in Him!

Progress was made!  Much progress was made!  But we just couldn’t get over that final hump.

One day I put him on the front porch, but it was bitterly cold outside and a neighbor called the police.  (I had NO idea how cold it was or I would have never sent him outside that day).

That was the final straw. Something had to be done.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  But Shane convinced me to call our social worker and ask for help.  She recommended a counselor that had just moved back to town.  That had worked with hurting kids for many years.

And I called.

We had several sessions with her.  She had trained with Nancy Thomas  and knew what she was doing.  She took nothing from him.  She helped him bond with me.  (Mothers are usually the ones that get the bulk of the anger acted out).

Eventually, he got to the point of being able to forgive his birthmother for poisoning him.

He was 7 when he wrote that letter.

Freedom CAME!

No more screaming sessions. No more throwing shoes off in stores, no more going limp.

We’ve had some amazing vacations since then.  No noses in the corner for this new creation.

I hate to think of what would have happened to our precious son had we given up on him.  Knowing what I know about foster/adoption, my guess is it wouldn’t have been good

And we would have missed out on an amazing blessing!

*I realize sometimes it is necessary to dissolve an adoption.  I know several families who have had to do that and the children have thrived in their new homes.  God uses different people in different ways.   If you are struggling with a difficult child, PLEASE leave a comment so I can encourage you in your journey!

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6 thoughts on “A Difficult Adoption-Stick With It

  1. Thanks for sharing your story and hanging in there, God knew you would be the best parents for you son. My four youngest Granddaughters are adopted and each have their own story. The twins had a adopted family give them up an so had a few other foster parents. Their year from 1to2 was traumatic and when my son adopted them at 2 there were a lot of struggles, in 11/2 years they have come along way and now are trusting people. So God knew your son needed you. Blessings on your family and that your son is now doing great. God is amazing!
    Marilyn V (OBS Group Leader)

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  2. Marilyn, we were amazed at the amount of anger such a little guy could have.. And equally amazed when the forgiveness took it away! He is now 12 years old and has few memories of all of the ugliness (thank God). He knows it is to God’s glory that he is free. A while back I wrote about a whirlwind vacation we took a couple of years ago. This was when we really realized that he was free. That was when our family healing began 🙂 https://homeskoolmom.wordpress.com/2011/07/27/no-tailspin/

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  3. Thank you for sharing your story. We have one child that is adopted and I know exactly what you mean when you say “Mothers are usually the ones that get the bulk of the anger acted out”. I know that my life would have been different without my children. I was created to be their mom through all the ups and downs. I am so thankful you had someone to give you counsel .

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    • Kathy, This is a hard road to walk by yourself. I pray you have those that understand because I know that many people don’t understand what we can be put through by children that are supposed to love us. I don’t know where you are in your journey, but if I can encourage you please email me homeskoolmomcr@gmail.com
      Christine

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