Hello Proverbs 31 ladies! Our last week! I can’t believe it. It has been a WONDERFUL and refreshing 6 weeks together and this is what I want to write about today. I agree with Shelly, I HATE goodbyes! So have a wonderful 4 weeks –I’ll look forward to seeing you soon! I so hope all of you will join the next study!
When I started this study six weeks ago, I was in a pit! I was beginning to come out but I had been in that pit for many years! My health had plagued me, and for some of that time I didn’t even realize how sick I really was.
I woke up one day and noticed 1/2 of my eyebrows were GONE!
Not there! Missing in action!
I think that’s when I started getting an idea that I was sick.
When I had a thermogram and it showed me at level 4 (out of 5-level 5 is certain cancer) I really realized how sick I was! (I am a HUGE proponent of thermograms over mammograms). They are non-invasive and can find things much sooner than a mammogram. If you don’t know about them, and would like to, please leave a comment and I will happily send you information.
That was when the physical healing began! Several years of supplements later, I am, for the most part, physically well. (I am writing a series on my journey to wellness that I’ll be posting on Tuesday’s if anyone is interested. )
But emotionally and spiritually I was still a pretty sick puppy. The things that made me physically sick also made me emotionally sick, and that led to spiritual sickness.
When I was sick, I had no desire to be in the Word. I would try and it would depress me. Satan would use it to beat me up. I could find no encouragement.
I was a mess!
I think I wrote about writing in my journal and pressing the pen down so hard when I wrote
GOD I’M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!! that it tore through that page, and several pages beneath!
I had nasty habits!
I got angry really quickly! I used ugly words! REALLY ugly words! No one in the family knew what would set me off! I couldn’t let things go. I wrote about all of this in an earlier week.
As I got well, I tried reading books, and studies and could not finish.
I had Beth Moore’s “Looking Up” journal…it helped for a time but…I couldn’t get over the hump!
A couple of months ago, give or take, my husband had one of his impressions:
“It is over”
He’s not sure it was in relation to me, but I’m almost as sure that it was!
That night we had a HUGE “discussion” I was holding on! It was reminiscent of the anger I felt in the “old days.” Never in our 19 years of marriage have we slept in different rooms, but I slept on the couch most of that night!
I could not say “Yes” to God! No, maybe I just wanted to continue to be stubborn and wallow in the comfort zone I had built.
But God wanted me to say yes! And He led me to the Proverbs 31 OBS.
Here is my newest journal:
I have several empty journals, but I pulled this one out because I had the feeling this was going to be the year for spiritual healing.
The first entry in the journal says
“I MUST change ME! Not everyone else! I am the problem, God is the solution!”
That was on July 7, 2013
And the Yes to God study started on August 3rd.
And then I threw my “Yes” book out the window of the moving Suburban.
But I have persevered! In other words I “stick “ed” with it!
For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.
Galatians 6:9 ESV
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
James 1:12 ESV
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
And I have received what God promised!
I have reaped His rewards!
I have been blessed!
My heart is at REST!
He HAS made a beautiful things out of ME!
I am no longer weary of trying to do good and feeling like I never get anywhere!
Have I lost my cool?
Have I said ugly words?
But because of this study it hasn’t defined who I am.
Before this study (and before discovering Mandisa’s music (see below) I defined myself as defeated, failure, depressed, angry, etc.
This study has brought me out of that pit!
I am no longer defined by those things.
I am defined as a daughter of the King! Redeemed! Restored! Saved by Grace alone (and believing it)!
I also have to share the rest of the story: Our finances haven’t been what they once were. I SO wanted to participate in the Connection Calls, but I didn’t even really ask my husband if I could because it was an additional $20 that we really didn’t have. Oh, I knew if I asked Shane would say “yes” because he loves to give me what I desire but I just couldn’t bring myself to ask him.
So, I didn’t sign up…until the week Mandisa was on.
I had never heard of her. I was one of those that Melissa referred to has “hiding under a rock” lol!
I can’t explain it but I KNEW she was going to be an integral part of my healing.
I was almost shaking.
I actually did not sign up after she spoke “live” I couldn’t wait to listen to the recording! I was watching for the information in my inbox. As soon as it came, I listened and…
I went to my computer and searched for “Stronger” I raised my hands in worship!
I cried! and cried some more!
and I was free!
Then I listened to “Good Morning” and praised the Lord like I hadn’t in a long time!
I have since bought all 4 of her CD’s! And have been so blessed!
And praise God, my heart is at REST!