Did I #moveforward, or Propel Back???

P31 OBS Blog Hop

This is a very real, very raw post.  I sat down and started typing and this is what came out…I hope you can relate.  If I wasn’t convinced before, I am now convinced writing is VERY therapeutic and healing for me.

Honestly, I haven’t done a very good job of moving forward this week.

While chapter 4 brought into light a couple of things that I needed to face, for the most part, I felt like it propelled me back into a place that I had already released to God.

All the things I did before my life in Christ.

All the things that I handed over to him a long time ago.

All of the ugly memories that I had worked through already.

All those things I had already come to peace with…

I feel like that broken little girl again.

Alone, empty and back in the pit, again.

Out of 17,000 women I can’t be the only one, can I?

Here’s where I sit.  Frustrated that I have been thrust back into a past already released to God

No help yet for the current struggles in my life.

For the people in my life that currently reject me

That continue to reject me

Those people that I can’t click the “unfriend” button on fb and remove from my life, although I wish it was that easy.

The people that HAVE to be there because they’re family.

Except I have clicked the “unfriend” button on, and even the block button on, because some of these people will use what I write against me.

Some people that will use what I say in innocence against me.

Maybe that is why my past is so raw this week, maybe that past along with the present is more than I can face right now.

But you know what?  Typing it out, putting it in black and white (or black and pink) has helped give me perspective.

God brought this verse to mind:

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.  Psalm 42:11

So I remembered an older praise song with this title.

Here it is;

However, I also found this Beth Moore clip that is hilariously funny!

Do I have answers?  NO!

Has anything in my circumstances changed in the last 10 minutes?  Certainly NOT!

But God has turned my attitude around within me.

Amazing God!

Amazing Grace!

Amazing Glory!

I will put my hope in God

I will chose to #moveforward even though it feels like I’m propelling back.

2 steps forward and 1 step back is still #movingforward

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  Phil 1:6

Today’s gonna be a GREAT day!  (And praise be to God, I really do feel that way)

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6 thoughts on “Did I #moveforward, or Propel Back???

  1. Thanks for sharing your struggle!! I understand the family one as we have some too that are difficult and beyond!! I love the first worship cd you put on by the way!! I still find myself singing the cover song “Forever Grateful” from that cd. And I love Beth Moore!! So glad that God is helping and encouraging you even as you write!!

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  2. I’m right there with you. I, too, have felt like the study was taking me back to a place that has already been placed under the blood adn that I have moved forward from that place. But I did enter this study knowing that maybe it wouldn’t apply much to my present situation; however, it might help me help others. God is giving me a word, but I’m still working on it. Haven’t posted by blog yet.

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  3. I appreciate your honesty. I also felt that way at first. I didn’t want to rehash what I did on my blog, but after much prayer, I knew that I needed to for the very reason that I didn’t want to. I am looking forward to the next chapter. Hang in there sweet sister! I loved the Beth Moore video! I needed that. Stephanie Solberg OBS Small Group Leader

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  4. Christina,

    I can sooooo relate and I am sure that 17,000 other women can too. I love that you wrote from your heart and that it was raw!! This week on the conference call Natalie Grant made a statement that all women wear masks. We do, I do, and I am so happy that I found a community in which I don’t have to wear that mask anymore and am grateful that God is walking beside me as I do it.

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