This is a very real, very raw post. I sat down and started typing and this is what came out…I hope you can relate. If I wasn’t convinced before, I am now convinced writing is VERY therapeutic and healing for me.
Honestly, I haven’t done a very good job of moving forward this week.
While chapter 4 brought into light a couple of things that I needed to face, for the most part, I felt like it propelled me back into a place that I had already released to God.
All the things I did before my life in Christ.
All the things that I handed over to him a long time ago.
All of the ugly memories that I had worked through already.
All those things I had already come to peace with…
I feel like that broken little girl again.
Alone, empty and back in the pit, again.
Out of 17,000 women I can’t be the only one, can I?
Here’s where I sit. Frustrated that I have been thrust back into a past already released to God
No help yet for the current struggles in my life.
For the people in my life that currently reject me
That continue to reject me
Those people that I can’t click the “unfriend” button on fb and remove from my life, although I wish it was that easy.
The people that HAVE to be there because they’re family.
Except I have clicked the “unfriend” button on, and even the block button on, because some of these people will use what I write against me.
Some people that will use what I say in innocence against me.
Maybe that is why my past is so raw this week, maybe that past along with the present is more than I can face right now.
But you know what? Typing it out, putting it in black and white (or black and pink) has helped give me perspective.
God brought this verse to mind:
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 42:11
So I remembered an older praise song with this title.
Here it is;
However, I also found this Beth Moore clip that is hilariously funny!
Do I have answers? NO!
Has anything in my circumstances changed in the last 10 minutes? Certainly NOT!
But God has turned my attitude around within me.
I will put my hope in God
I will chose to #moveforward even though it feels like I’m propelling back.
2 steps forward and 1 step back is still #movingforward
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6
Today’s gonna be a GREAT day! (And praise be to God, I really do feel that way)