Have I mentioned that we have a new church home? Not a perfect church home of course but a healthy church home. A church home where the Gospel is preached, where we are allowed to think for ourselves and allowed to grow in knowledge and wisdom regarding the Bible and our relationship with Jesus Christ. We’ve heard some great sermons from our pastor and from men that are not our pastor. This is what a healthy church looks like! It has been time of refreshment! Praise God our children are thriving and growing! He protected their souls during their formative years! Shane and I are thriving and growing! Dear Jesus thank you for our new church home!
Here’s why I bring this up. Being out of where we were makes it easier to love these people from a distance. Praise God our life is much simpler now that we’re settled in somewhere else. Now that time has been passed and I realized even more how messed up those souls are, I can love them better. I can pray for them more compassionately because I’m not being manipulated or attacked any longer. Anger no longer wells up in me because I’m not watching the wolf lead that flock astray first hand. Sorrow wells up instead for all involved. I’ve realized that I can love better without the junk in the way. Sometimes in order to live at peace we need to distance ourselves.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18
In order for me to live at peace, this blog must go. I won’t take it down yet, I’ll just forget it’s here. (If I can). If I can’t it’ll disappear. At some point I may feel comfortable coming back to it, but to keep myself from the temptation to sin, I’m at least taking a break.
Since Thanksgiving, Google Analytics has shown me that some folks who made a promise many years ago didn’t keep it. Having that information does not help me live at peace with them. Having this place doesn’t help me live at peace with them. In fact, since Thanksgiving I’ve written some things that I’ve had to take down because the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin. The fact is I am too tempted to use my words to lash out.
More than anything I desire to obey God. I’m tired of the struggle. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth the temptation. It’s not worth the worry. I’m going to simplify and maybe the same thing that happened with the church situation will be able to happen in this situation. Maybe I’ll be able to love these people better. Maybe I’ll be able to pray for them better than I can right now. Maybe God will bring some healing to the wounds and help me be more compassionate towards them.
Five Minute Friday? That’s gonna go too. Even if I begin writing again, it’s not what I’m looking for any longer. It doesn’t fit who I am. I’m not sure it ever has and that’s okay. It was a place where I could write and for that I am grateful. I hold no bad feelings. It’s just time for me to move on and find a different groove.
Will I still write? Honestly right now I don’t know. I’ve lost my desire. I need to rest. My heart is not in writing right now. I’m not working on the book about my Uncle. That makes me sad but it’s just not there. I pray it returns because I really feel this is a book that should be written. It’s a great story that I believe many people will enjoy reading. Not because I’m a great writer but because it’s a great story!
We’ve got a writing community right her in our metro area. I may need to get more involved there. I just found out about a new critique group that is planning to meet a couple of times a month. I like local and face to face. I already know a couple of the people involved, so it may work well.
I’m a proud Momma. Sometimes I fear I go over the top because of where my life was when I was my kids age. I was nothing like them. I watch my kids and I’m just so stinking proud of them. I’m proud of their integrity and of their faith, of the way they think and interact with their friends. That was so not where I was when I was 17 or 18 or even in my early 20’s. I am overwhelmed at what God has done and sometime I’m afraid I go over the top as I watch them in their element. Every so often I ask one of my sons if I’ve gone too far. He tells me I’m a little too much sometimes, but then he says, “Mom, you do you.”
I’m taking his advice. I’m gonna do me to God’s glory! Right now, me is not here. Right now me is simplifying my life to remove temptation. Simplifying my life to be able to love those that are unlovable better. Right now I’m going to take time to rest, revive and rejuvenate. I’m trusting that I will find my groove in God’s perfect time. Right now I’m taking a step to lay down my life. Jesus laid down his life on a cross for me. I’m trusting God to grow me in this area. I’m not going to lean on my own understanding in this; God’s got this!
God be with you until we meet again,